I had a very extensive list of "expectations" for my Mr. Wonderful.
My list included:
- A strong Christian
- Not complacent with his spiritual life
- Hardworking/diligent
- Considerate of others
- Sense of humor
- Unique
- Sensible
- Somewhat romantic
- Respects my space
- Close to his family (and mine)
- Sporty (in shape)
- Well Respected
- Charismatic
- Willing to make himself look like a dork
- Trust worthy
- Respectful of authority
- Calls when he says he will
- Will not betray me
- Can make me laugh when I am stressed out
- Is a mentor to younger men
- Selfless
- Able to listen
- Prompt (on time)
- Has a passion for youth and desires to help them grow closer to Christ
- Optimistic
- Not a push over
- Down to earth
- Good with directions
- Consistent
- Can handle puke
- Attractive
- Charming
Quite a list, huh? I recently ditched my 'list of desires' for my Mr. Wonderful and replaced it with this one simple sentence: "I desire for my husband to be a godly young man, always striving to pursue true, mature, manliness." Eventually, my Mr. Wonderful will acquire my previous desires, if he is always striving to pursue true, mature, manliness- which is rooted in a constant relationship with Christ.
My previous list was setting unachievable expectations on my Mr. Wonderful; I was setting him up for failure. I was leaving no room for improvement. With this new "expectation," or desire, both my Mr. Wonderful and I can both grow in Christ.
You might be asking- “Wait, I thought we were supposed to have high expectations?”
Absolutely! I am not saying that I have lower expectations for him- actually, I would say that my expectations have become more difficult to achieve because they require constant growth, not complacency. With my previous list, I was encouraging complacency. I expected my Mr. Wonderful to get to a spot where he successfully demonstrated all the desires on my list, and then stop growing. This is wrong. I still have high expectations. I just don't have a "do's and don'ts list."
Let me try to explain it in a different way:
I am not a patient person. Patience does not come to me naturally; I have to work really hard at it. Although, I am striving to be a godly women and patience is an attribute that a mature godly woman will acquire (for some, over time spent developing a constant relationship with Christ, for others is comes natural.) I would hate for a guy, that I could potentially marry, not to "consider" me as marriage material because I was not patient right here and right now. Patience is something that I will gain over time, as long as I am striving for godliness. So, I guess you could say that my list was becoming a distraction. I was expecting for my Mr. Wonderful to have an unrealistic amount of attributes the day we got married. What I failed to realize, until recently, is the fact that he is still man; he will not have all of these attributes right away. They take time to develop while he is striving to be a a mature man. Just like some characteristics will take time to develop in me (ex, patience.)
-C
That's a pretty good list,Its good to have
ReplyDeleteproper expectations most of your list made sense but why would he have to be able handle puke? When I'm considering someone as the possible "one" I have a group of some of my closest friends as examples to go along with
a list of questions to see how well they match my list.
I have extreme paranoia about puke- I have since I was a little girl. It is a family joke that my husband is going to need to be able it. It is not one of the things on "the list" that would cause me to not want to marry a guy. =)
ReplyDeleteExactly! I have that as well. Although, it is a little different for me (as a girl), my parents and mentors are awesome and do the same thing.
Yes, it amazes me when I look at couples that are made for each other, They have a lot in
ReplyDeletecommon,but at the same time they have beneficial contrasts one might be a patient,on time kinda person.
And the other might be an impatient, all ways late person haha. That wouldn't really count directly as a beneficial contrast,and could be a source of frustration on the all ways on time person, but if they are willing to work together it could easily be a source of growth.
Precisely!
ReplyDeleteThat might not have been a direct example- but I understand what you are saying. ;-)
Marriage is part of our sanctification. So long as Jesus Christ is always in sight and the marriage is centered around God's Word, the marriage can never fail; every trial and every triumph is for His glory, making us more like Him.
I would be the overly on time guy I'm patient,but God has surrounded me with "always running late people" to increase my patience
ReplyDeleteeven though I don't have my help meet yet.
God has already provided people to test my patience in case she's a person that struggles with punctuality.
One of the best love stories can be find in the book of Hosea,although it would not be considered "romantic" his life became an illustration of how God loves us, which makes it a very beautiful story.
Well I went to type in journeytowardsgodliness.blogspot.com and it said no longer available and I was confused but now I got it!
ReplyDeleteIf you think your list was long try and see mine! My Mr.Wonderful has to have a couple must's though, I like this post. Its good to have a list but when your making your list you have to keep in mind that he is a sinner and he wont be perfect.
Love You,
Tayler